With this heart in your hand
try to understand
I turned 32 this past weekend. It was a stress free day, and I even spent it with some friends and got to enjoy myself. Far different than last year…
I came home from training ats my second job, the coffee shop in Seaside. I had gotten the job for some extra cash since we were having a baby, and it was going really well. I probably walked out after each shift with enough money from tips to buy groceries and gas for the entire month. When I got home, we sat on the couch and relaxed while watching Breaking Bad. My wife started to complain about some stomach pains, which of course made me nervous but this had happened before. An hour later she was writhing in pain and told me to take her to the ER, which luckily was right down the road. As we were checking in to the emergency room, the blood began to pour out of her.
It was a soul crushing experience, I can’t imagine how traumatic it was for my wife, and there were things that happened that I will never un-see. We were devastated. We had waited the three months and gotten the OK from our doctor to spread the good news and that everything was healthy. I knew my wife was not healthy, but I was holding out hope that things would get on track as our pregnancy progressed.
I would say the highlight of my entire relationship with Samantha was hearing our babies heartbeat. The first time was when we had an ultrasound done and got to actually see the baby forming. The second time was for a checkup at the hospital the weekend before the miscarriage. It made everything real and this child was going to be a testament to our marriage overcoming every obstacle imaginable. I guess the fact that it didn’t happen was a sign of things to come.
Our divorce should be final this week. I have had a lot of emotions about all of this, and there have been times where I feel like my resolve will buckle and I wanted to run back to you. You say you are getting help for your problems, and I want to believe you and encourage you to stay on the right path. I know it would be a disservice to us both to ever given in and allow reconciliation to happen. This is your time to take care of yourself. I can’t do it anymore. The potential is there and I hope the kind of awakening you need finally happens.
The baby’s name was Mila Grace.