“Most people would rather be certain they’re miserable, than risk being happy.”
– Robert Anthony
We moved onto the beach this past month. It is one of the best decisions that I have made I believe. Just to hear the waves every morning and every night. I feel like I can relax and think to myself. There is a therapeutic quality gained by being near the water and sunrise over it. I used to come out here a lot when I was alone and coming to grips with sobriety. Even in full work attire, I would come down to the water and watch the sun set over it, usually just listening to the waves like they were a living, breathing thing that I could communicate with through my thoughts. Anyone weighted down by sadness and disappointment should attempt to spend time near any body of water. That being said, it is definitely a place for anyone to be, regardless of your state of mind.
I tried to pinpoint where it all changed, when I woke up and was in this clear state of mind that I currently am in. There really was not any specific event or day in my life where it all of the sudden just “clicked” into place. I just got out of bed each day, went to work, went to meetings and rehab, tried to stay active and never, ever let “never going to get better” thoughts creep into my head. Even if I recited some of the worst parts of my experiences to myself or to anyone else, I forced myself to end it with something to the affect of “but I know this isn’t it, there is a chance to get better”. And sure enough, it did get better.
Wallace J. Nichols, a marine biologist, believes that we all have a “blue mind” — as he puts it, “a mildly meditative state characterized by calm, peacefulness, unity, and a sense of general happiness and satisfaction with life in the moment” — that’s triggered when we’re in or near water.
One thing I remember vividly about the past decade or so of my life as a self destructive alcoholic was wallowing in self pity. I absolutely stopped doing that before things changed in my life. Taking initiative and responsibility in a physical manifestation was going to AA and rehab/counseling. The internal version, the one no once could see except for me, was changing my mindset on how I viewed the problems in my life. Throwing yourself on a sword and martyring yourself isn’t going to change anything in a positive manner. Hell, I am sure that if I read back through this blog I would see examples of my backwards growth all throughout the early stages of it. People will feel sorry for you. They might enable you. You aren’t going to experience any positive growth unless you make the changes inside your mind and display them outwards onto your everyday life.