At the end of our time, kiss my ashes goodbye
Sometimes, whether it be in passing by or news passing on, you get a glimpse into whatever situation or life you were living before. You can look at it as a grim reminder or reaffirmation that you made the right (or wrong) choice. There are people I have had with me that go and seek this out, keeping tabs and measuring themselves up to whatever it is they left behind. I try not to do this. That being said, in this age of constant communications, it can be inevitable. I recently had some insight into the life of someone that used to be a part of mine, and needless to say, it wasn’t pleasant news. Nor was it a surprise.
I am not a cruel person. I didn’t feel any sort of justification or satisfaction that this person was still experiencing the same sort of difficulties in their life. The only thing I can say about it, is that I felt fortunate that my own life isn’t in that same cycle of chaos and disappointment. I try and learn from all of the mistakes that I made, and acknowledge that it all could have been a lot worse. Someone could have gotten really hurt or killed, ended up in jail, or any other sort of awful situation that could arise from living a life on the brink of disaster. I think that if you are going to finally stop repeating, going one step forward two steps backwards through life, you have to be able to accept that you may be your own worst enemy. Playing the victim or pining for answers is going to get you nowhere and nothing. The best thing I ever did was acknowledge all of my problems and accept that I was the cause of them. I was in certain situations before because I used to be attracted to certain kinds of people, and my own issues compounded things and brought about oblivion for myself.
I am the happiest that I have ever been in my entire life and I am very fortunate to be where I am at. I want to continue on the path that I am on and have a fulfilling life. Getting a glimpse back and seeing that the fires I walked out of are still smoldering just makes me thankful that I was able to change.