Day 1: Death Crush

Ok here goes nothing. This blog will be my day by day, step by step, back through whats been so upsetting to me lately, all the way to some sort of life. Ever since I came back from the North I have been so focused on getting my family back together that I have forgotten some important things. I’m a changed person. A better person. I am more equipped to handle things now, with calmness and being level headed. I need to be proud of those changes I made, because if I hadn’t made them this awful situation that I find myself in could very well happen again someday. This needs to stop. Its been a 9 year process of having the end of every 3rd year turn into a disaster. On this date of June 20th, 2013, I am taking the first step away from all of this. I have left a door open for my soulmate to follow through when she is ready. I hope she does someday, life is a lot less fulfilling without her to enjoy it with. But I have an obligation to my daughter, and my little side kick will not suffer while her father struggles to handle his loss, no matter how great. Things have a way of building up, until they just crush you. Death Crush you. So we are setting sail for brighter waters, and this blog will document it. I plan on posting every day, as hard as that can get during times, with a photo attached. Some days it will be about what is going on during that exact moment, others may be more reflective. But I think that this creative outlet will do me some good. Hell SOMETHING needs to be flowing out of me, because if its kept inside I know it will lead to a very painful consequence, not only for me but for those around me that care about me a lot. The support that has been given to me from friends old and new, near and far, has been the only thing that got me through the worst of all of this. I will try and link this to my now public Facebook account so that it can be kept up with easily. I have a pretty slick smart phone (HTC One VX) so I might even be able to blog to this site on the go. The goal is to stay positive, smart, and take gratitude in raising my child. Maybe one day our lost family member will rejoin us, I know we would love to have her back. But perhaps she is on a path of her own right now, and that is the only one that leads back to us. Only time will tell. I will end this first post with a quote by someone I used to find a lot of strength through.

“I’m a firm believer in karma. What comes around goes around. If you constantly think bad things then you’ll only get deeper and deeper into your own bullshit. So if you do some good things and feel good about yourself then you’ll see some positive dividends.”