It was fitting that our boat plans got ruined by a thunderstorm. At first we didn’t mind, laying in each others arms while the rain pounded on the windows. I finally drug myself from my mate’s embrace and went downstairs to take care of the pups and our daughter. 20 mins later I was back upstairs, balancing a plate full of fruit and pancakes, a hot coffee cup and a cup of OJ. Breakfast in bed, a nice surprise well worth the bright eyed smile on her face when I popped back into the room. It was something that I guess seemed like a pipe dream just a few weeks ago. Ten minutes later that’s all it was, and we were fighting over something that certainly didn’t deserve to ruin our perfect day. I wont get into the details, and I am sure it is just a product of anxiety, but never the less, it left me with tears and despair. We should have been out on our boat laughing and smiling. Instead, we were exchanging solemn kisses goodbye under a downpour. You can only do so much before it comes to the point where the other person has to show they are fully committed to what it is you are trying to accomplish. Now its 9:24 PM and after a few pointless text messages earlier in the day probably sent just to make sure I was still even willing to speak, I am sitting in my office second guessing myself and worried about my better half. Is she upset? Is she sad? Depressed? At this point everything that needed to be said has already been spoken. If anything, I just wish I could give her a hug. My daughter asked if her ema (Estonian for “mother”) is going to come sleep in her bed with her tonight. I left the downstairs light on. Come home Samm. Your family needs you. And whether you know it or not, you are going to need them too.
