If you have a clear mind & aren’t caught up in the wrong aspects of a journey, you can gain the answers you’re looking for. That’s the difference between just running out of town to go have a good time, and doing some self evaluation and coming back with personal growth. I’m headed home with the right perspective on my life. I can say without a doubt, after all of the traveling that I’ve done in my life, that this was the most fulfilling thing that I’ve ever done. And I think the universe is telling me that it was supposed to happen this way.
Looking back, I think I was a good person. But I was corrupt. I was self centered, immature, and an alcoholic. Did I deserve what happened in my previous relationships I’ve had as an adult? I’d say no. But perhaps things occurred how they did because I hadn’t learned to acknowledge and correct the aforementioned flaws in my character.
I accept what my mistakes were these past nine months in particular. They were deeply rooted earlier on but really amplified the past nine months when my marriage ended. I take full responsibility. That I made the decision to move past that awful relationship and also get sober at the same time has cleared so much in my head and my heart, I really do feel like a new lease on life has been granted.
I ran an ultra marathon up the side of a mountain today, at 7,600 feet above sea level. I guess I could write about just the race and go on for a while. But that would be much more secondary to what actually occurred out of site inside my head, and the amazing coincidence that happened during my day. I accepted, acknowledged, and analyzed a lot about myself and recent events while I was out there. I also came to the conclusion that I am never drinking again. I can’t. I decided to sober up so that I could put the past tragedy to rest, and so I wouldn’t lose what I care about in my life. And that’s far, far more important than having a drink. Ill do whatever needs to be done to uphold that. I also am never speaking to my ex wife again. I blocked her phone number. I deleted every photo of her on my Facebook. And when I got to the very top of the mountain today, I hurled my wedding ring off a cliff. Alcohol and her manipulation head games almost ruined my life and made me lose everything.
I was introduced to someone through a friend that’s been sober 4 months. He had his engagement called off, thrown out of the house, and his longtime girlfriend almost cut him off from her life completely. He rehabilitated himself and is continuing to get better and hopefully can continue to do so. He imparted some wisdom on what I’m going through, and I think the very fact I met him now, out in New Mexico of all places and while on this particular journey, is the universe speaking. He lost everything, yet in the end the person he loved didn’t give up on him and he’s changed his life because of it. I hope I can be like that too. Oh yeah, and his name is Chris too.
