He felt he knew now what time would be like without seasons and what heat would be like without light and what man would be like without salvation. – Flannery O’Connor
I was asked by my friend to go to an AA meeting today. I of course said yes. Today’s discussion was one that addressed something that seems to be at the forefront of so much when it comes to changing your life; a higher power. Can it be possible to achieve a transformation without divine intervention? Or is it just masked to us that do not believe. Does it even matter, as long as the end result is living a better life? It seems like the room today had those on opposite sides of the fence and everything in between. When it was my time to speak, I brought up my own beliefs, that the coincidences in life are really just the universe communicating with us, and that it was up to us to listen and act upon the delivered message. A woman addressed my statement by saying a coincidence was just “God being anonymous”. To each their own, I guess. I have respect for anyone who goes through with the process of sobriety, be it on their own terms or a gods.
I think if you wanted proof of a change within when being around a person who has gotten sober, would be to see how they interact towards others. Its by no coincidence (there’s that word again!) that to the outside world, there is no person more selfish than the addict while anyone who has gone to these AA meeting will tell there is no more gracious and accepting than a person who has gotten sober. I cannot fathom standing by doing nothing if someone were to genuinely ask for help. Part of my own transformation from a codependent alcoholic is parsing through requests for help and attempts to use or take advantage of me. As for my belief in a higher power, one train of thought I must vehemently disagree with is “fake it until you make it”, often said to those just starting out in recovery programs in regards to believing in salvation and sobriety being granted by a higher power. I cannot “fake” that sort of conviction, as it would be a disservice to those that do believe, and to myself after getting this far. My authenticity is all I had left at one point, I don’t think I would have gotten anywhere without it.
I’m really proud of my friend and it was certainly a positive experience to be around someone taking this sort of accountability and acceptance. We are flawed individuals with a mistake filled past, but the redemption is in the fact we made the choice to change finally. Step one.
