today, I have been sober for 5 years
Over the past 365 days, since the last time I wrote one of these reflections, I’ve had a lot of changes occur in my life. I’ve moved twice, traveled frequently for my job, and haven’t been able to really settle into a routine. It’s been tiring, but there were always goals and milestones to keep pressing on towards, so it didn’t seem so bad. The first 4 years of being sober prepared me for being able to adapt and process the upheaval I’ve dealt with for this 5th year. When I was drinking, this type of upheaval was an everyday occurrence in the form of drama and chaos. I was never in control of my surroundings. And any traveling I did back then just felt like I was running away from my problems, even though they were always there in the back of my mind ready to haunt me when I got drunk. I used to think I was a shark, an unstoppable machine constantly moving. In reality I was just a ghost, drifting through the dark. I’m traveling for work today, so this will be the first time I haven’t been at my AA home group meeting for this anniversary date of sobriety. It would have been the first time I’d had another year marked off without my friend Bob being at the meeting, he passed away last summer. So, in a way, I’m glad I will be changing my routine for today, my sobriety goes beyond certain dates, certain buildings, and being around certain people. I want to be flexible enough to roll through the inevitable peaks and valleys that everyone must go through in their lives. Reaching another February 2nd is an accomplishment I’ll probably acknowledge each year, but it’s the other days, weeks, and months of the year that have to serve as the constant reminder of why I made the decision to get sober. There are still plenty of the tough days where I feel overwhelmed, and don’t understand why. The past month was the most intense of the entire year, by far. But I never feel like those kinds of moments are the type of drama-filled disasters I used to be engrossed in prior to 5 years ago. Back then, it seemed to me that the sky was always falling, and the deck was stacked against me. Since I got sober, I can say that those feelings don’t occur during even when I’m placed in stressful or intense situations. Life isn’t a dream or fantasy no matter what, but it doesn’t have to be a nightmare, either.
Christopher
nolecore.com
