The hardest thing for me to come to grips with when someone passes away, is that I won’t ever be able to speak to them again. There wont be any more catching up, asking how things have been in between, or having a laugh over a funny story. I’ve been blessed that I haven’t had to see too many people leave my life unexpectedly, but as I get older its just something that you begin to understand and accept. You don’t want to accept it. But you are nonetheless forced to. I woke up a few mornings ago after having a pretty convincing dream that this was all a mistake and that he was still alive. Once reality set in it made me wonder how many other people were out there having this exact same conversation with themselves. A ton, I am quite sure, because this was one of the good people out there. The guy that no matter what day or what setting you caught up with him in, he had a smile on his face and something to say that would put one on yours. Why him, why now. We live in a sea full of much better candidates that would leave this planet a better place without them still on it. That might sound fucked up or twisted but if you want to be realistic about life, I don’t see how you look at that fact any other way. Or maybe you just have been lucky enough to not have come into contact with that many awful people. Don’t kid yourself – they are out there. My thoughts have turned back to those left behind in the wake this sad event, and it must be an unimaginable emptiness filling those that were closest to him. Wife. Daughter. My heart goes out to them the most. I can’t even imagine what it must be like right now. It puts things into perspective, and really makes anything that I thought I was going through seem nowhere near what must be the most painful experience for a family to have to go through. People complain about so much shit in their lives, and its like a baton getting passed higher and higher up the rungs of a ladder built on tragedy. Each person thinks they’ve got troubles until you see another situation that makes you wonder why it is you thought you’d hit rock bottom. Don’t take things in your life for granted, especially those people that you care about and that care about you.

Everyone has their own version of paradise. Whether that is on a beach, their own front porch, or somewhere in between, there is always a place we think fondly of when we go up against the grind. Sometimes you don’t even know how much a place will mean to you until you gather yourself up and just go there. You will surprise yourself how many places off the beaten path will far exceed your expectations. I like well rounded places and experiences where I can not only enjoy myself, but where I can grow as a person while I am lucky enough to be there. The place that gives you peace of mind can also end up nourishing and growing a piece of your mind. An entire new language. A history that will educate you, humble you, and leave you envious.

Rahulik – Estonian for “calm”

Its a sign of health when you can laugh and be carefree. In my opinion that is the tell tale sign of everything is all right in your life. This hit me during the past week. I knew something was kind of different on an every day basis, and last night at dinner I realized this was it. We were laughing. That meant we were smiling. We needed a few more laughs in life. It all comes back to where we are headed after a right time.

Sometimes all we need is a breath of fresh air. Change of scenery. Not necessarily a complete change to a permanent makeover, just get out of dodge for a bit and immerse yourself in something different. Different things to look at. Different people to talk to. A different sunset to appreciate. Appreciating these types of refreshing elements can help us appreciate things about ourselves, our jobs, or our surroundings back home in ways we didn’t realize before. People mistake my traveling for running away from things, but that isn’t really the case. I enjoy where I live and what I do, and with my marriage back on track, its a great place to hang my hat and come back to at the end of the day. After the exhausting Summer that Samm and I have had, its been great to be able to sit back and relax with two of our closest friends. A nice blend of the usual travel enjoyments like strolling down Medieval era streets, but while chatting with an old friend. I really feel like this is what we needed as a couple and as individuals, and it couldn’t have come at a better time. Samm had just gone through the blitzkrieg of school requirements getting ready for the semester, and lets just say life in general was piling up for myself. I remarked to her a few nights ago that this was the absolute calmest I had felt in months. Staring at a red sky as the sun set behind the spires of buildings hundreds of years old with my best friend was definitely the refreshment my soul was craving.

Sometimes the walls we put up to keep things out actually end up holding us back. “I can’t do this”. “I’m not good enough”. “I’m wasting my time”. When it boils down to it, its amazing just how much we get in the way of ourselves, which is absurd given how much the world throws at us on its own. I understand that some of us inherit a situation far graver than others, be it finances or a good set of parents, but when oneself is down on your own being, its hard to have a fighting chance in my opinion. Some of the most limitless people are held back by this very thing. I guess negative surroundings and negative situations can enhance these feelings of gloom though, I can attest to that after the last few months. There were plenty of times where I would catch myself saying “oh man you blew it, you really had no chance to do this”. They were definitely walls that I put up in my own mind after countless days of waiting for the other shoe to drop. Looking back, it was a really shitty learning experience that sometimes we can blockade our selves mentally. We just have to be strong enough and have enough resolve to outlast the bad and see that these barriers come crumbling down in the face of who we really are as people.

I feel like a lot of what has molded me into who I am today stems from traveling. Not only traveling, but the way I tend to go about it. Off the beaten path, walking to the beat of your own drum is the way to see the world. Not just anywhere exotic but just life in general. Even before I ever step foot in another country, I was headed in that direction and I guess that would be the most important thing that I got “right” at a young age. A lot of it began with music. I was always bouncing around the South going to this and that concert, so I got used to going new places on my own and I rarely spent the night in a hotel or anywhere nice. I can’t tell you how many fences I’ve jumped or parking lots I’ve slept in. I even spent the night on top of a concrete bathroom in the Los Angeles Coliseum when I snuck in the night before a Metallica concert. The second I left the States for the first time, all of this became amplified. I love hearing new languages, I love seeing history existing in modern settings, and I love seeing things from a non-tourist point of view. In the middle of the night or the crack of dawn are some of my favorite times of the day to head out and see a new city. As long as the place is new to my eyes, I feel like I have accomplished something. Small ghost towns in Florida along Highway 90 or villages in Europe, sounds good to me.

My wife and I share these same feelings, and I really think its something both people have to share an interest in for it to exist in a relationship. I’ll bring up this or that destination, she’ll crack a smile at me and say “hell yeah, let’s do it”. As life progresses and we take on more responsibilities, I’m sure travel opportunities may dwindle. And that’s ok. I am totally enjoying our progression as a couple and am looking forward to building our life together. When the times come, I will be ready. I’ve done a lot and seen a lot, and I will always posses a bit of wanderlust in me. Hopefully our children inherit that.