I get a kick out of people throwing around the idea that they can balance out the bad with the “good” they supposedly are doing in their lives. Sometimes its helping an old lady across the street or giving a bum change. Hell, sometimes its just lip service. Words. Whatever small good deeds you go about doing, its certainly not going to outweigh the toxic actions you might be doing on the side. So don’t expect some angel to swoop down and drop some good fortune right into your lap after you’ve totally trashed other peoples lives, cheated and stole, or done whatever else to an unsuspecting person. Doesn’t matter how much big talk and bluster you spewed forth about being a good person. “Karma”. How about you start worrying about the right here, right now consequences of how you live your life? Work towards something. Do the right things. Even when no one is watching you. Don’t expect good things to happen, go out and earn them. You can fool those oblivious to who you really are, but you can’t fool yourself. You can try, I guess, that has to be the mantra of some of these losers walking around treating people like shit while spewing nonsense about their “karma”. What, you can mistreat someone because….you don’t like them? They have something you want? Oh yeah I forgot, the universe is only in tune with your energy so as long as you fake a few moments of goodness, it turns a blind eye to the vile actions of last night. Keep holding your breath for those positive dividends. You might suffocate while doing so. In the end, life may or may not catch up to you. The people you hurt will though.
When I am traveling, I always make it a point to stop and check out big college campuses. Most of the time the only glimpse I had prior was through sports. So usually of course we go hit up the football stadiums, mascot statues, or anything tying the university to athletics. I think this may be an American phenomenon though, as I have been to a few of the university towns in Europe now and I don’t even think there is the same culture attached to the schools like there is back home. Sorry, no SEC equivalent in Estonia. These are bastions of learning, and alumni probably associate with them as such. Which is totally fine, I could see the crazed loyalty shown to a school that manifests itself at a sporting event being totally an American thing. I always liked school (I’ve continued to take classes so it seems like I never stopped until recently), plus the interesting thing for an outsider in Europe visiting these campuses is also like a history lesson. Seeing school buildings that are older than the United States and are still being used is mind blowing. These campuses have survived wars, revolutions, and upheaval that post colonial America only experienced during its Civil War. Imagining the culture clash that these students in Europe would experience while studying abroad in the South is humorous. What would they think being in Tallahassee on a Fall Saturday seeing a city full of intoxicated people going crazy for a school that half of them probably didn’t even attend?
When I die, the only things I really would care about people saying about me would be “he was a good father, he really loved his daughter and he was a good husband, he really loved his wife”. I would go to the grave knowing I lived up to those statements to best of my abilities. Anyone who would say otherwise doesn’t know me at all. Putting the people around you that your care about is a pretty good goal, and I feel happy when I am making that a priority. A lot of what happened over the past few months were some pretty painful trials for me personally, but I accept them as lessons. I learned a lot. I changed a lot. Being someone that deflects responsibilities, consequences, and just sits around bemoaning their problems isn’t who I am. I feel really sorry for people who can’t get out of their own way. Life is never going to be perfect for you, and sure the hell won’t ever improve (in your eyes) if you don’t cut the “woe is me” horse shit and make some changes that will directly affect your so called problems. If you can’t see each day for the beautiful prospect that its a great day to get better, chances are things are going to get way worse before they ever get better.
I think the biggest thing that a lot of people struggle with is being held accountable for their actions. Big and small, you’d be amazed how many people are full of shit. I put a lot of things out in the open over the last couple months and one side effect of doing that was that it forced me to be accountable for my actions with the crowd of people that I was trying to communicate with. It also forced other people in the situation to do likewise, whether they liked it or not, and whether they realized it at the time or not. Things have a funny way of blowing up in peoples faces. That’s a good thing. No one should be allowed to use a public platform to lie. Using it as a way to tell the truth can be so much more powerful in the long run. Dated, signed, packaged with a nice tag that reads “so this is what REALLY happened.” May include hash tags. When you commit to something, you’ve gotta belong to it. When you say something, you better back that up with your actions. And if you bold face lie about something, please just go ahead and say to yourself that you accept the explosion when it goes off in your face. In the end, its never worth it. So you you might as well start holding yourself accountable. Because the rest of the world sure will.
Estonia doesn’t get enough credit as a coffee country. That statement doesn’t just refer to the coffee itself, but the cafes that serve it and the myriad of settings in which to enjoy it. Cobblestone courtyards, medieval era cellars, or scenic views along a beach highway. Even the “standard” types of coffeehouses that one may be accustomed to in the states are all a step above what I would consider a nice place to enjoy a cup of coffee. Most of these cafes are in renovated Soviet era warehouses, which creates a blend of rustic architecture with modern comforts. A huge difference in atmosphere with not only coffee shops but Estonian city life in general, is the lack of a town square (“Rakeoja Plats) in US cities and towns. These centralized areas are usually centuries old and provide a good location to shop, eat, and of course, drink coffee. My favorite shop is actually located in the cellar of a building that is hundreds of years old within the Estonian capital city. I got a job lined up there about a month ago thanks to a little luck and some old Starbucks experience (a manager just happened to be an old S Bux shift in Minneapolis). I was never a big cappuccino fan until this past arrival in Europe, but when its made consistently well like it is in Estonia, its actually become a new favorite. Hopefully the jackasses back in FL can replicate the feat but I won’t hold my breath.
The hardest thing for me to come to grips with when someone passes away, is that I won’t ever be able to speak to them again. There wont be any more catching up, asking how things have been in between, or having a laugh over a funny story. I’ve been blessed that I haven’t had to see too many people leave my life unexpectedly, but as I get older its just something that you begin to understand and accept. You don’t want to accept it. But you are nonetheless forced to. I woke up a few mornings ago after having a pretty convincing dream that this was all a mistake and that he was still alive. Once reality set in it made me wonder how many other people were out there having this exact same conversation with themselves. A ton, I am quite sure, because this was one of the good people out there. The guy that no matter what day or what setting you caught up with him in, he had a smile on his face and something to say that would put one on yours. Why him, why now. We live in a sea full of much better candidates that would leave this planet a better place without them still on it. That might sound fucked up or twisted but if you want to be realistic about life, I don’t see how you look at that fact any other way. Or maybe you just have been lucky enough to not have come into contact with that many awful people. Don’t kid yourself – they are out there. My thoughts have turned back to those left behind in the wake this sad event, and it must be an unimaginable emptiness filling those that were closest to him. Wife. Daughter. My heart goes out to them the most. I can’t even imagine what it must be like right now. It puts things into perspective, and really makes anything that I thought I was going through seem nowhere near what must be the most painful experience for a family to have to go through. People complain about so much shit in their lives, and its like a baton getting passed higher and higher up the rungs of a ladder built on tragedy. Each person thinks they’ve got troubles until you see another situation that makes you wonder why it is you thought you’d hit rock bottom. Don’t take things in your life for granted, especially those people that you care about and that care about you.
